A mate for Cell? Dear Kami, NO!
by lettucequeen
Summary: Trust me, you'll like this.


Disclaimer: I do not own DBZ or any of its characters

Disclaimer: I do not own DBZ or any of its characters. I'm just torturing them relentlessly. I do own peeps, Trys to give the hideous pink things to various people but no one seems to want them.

Author note: This is my first fic! Yay! I hope you don't think it sucks. Sorry for any grammar problems. After watching midnight run, I went to bed. There I had a strange and disturbing dream. I thought I'd share it with everyone and disturb them too. Basic plot: What if Bulma offers to try a different tactic to defeat Cell? Hoping to deter the maniacal android, she and Chichi create a mate for him. Oh the horror! **May** turn NC-17 if everyone out there in fanfic land wants it, but I'd prefer to leave Cell and Cellina alone for that.

A/U Cell fic. A Mate for Cell? Dear Kami, No!

Bulma, Chichi, and Master Roshi were inside Bulma's kitchen at Capsule Corps. The DBZ warriors had gone to Kami's to train, leaving the others behind. Over mint tea, the women discussed the situation with Cell. Master Roshi, being the typical pervert that he is, was staring at their chests…and drooling. "Master Roshi!" I wonder what they'd taste like covered in whipped cream-- "Master Roshi!" Or maybe chocolate sauce…mmmm chocolate.… "Master Roshi!" Bulma was screaming at him by now. "Hmm? What is it my dear?" Bulma sighed. "Chichi and I were trying to think of a way to destroy Cell without risking anyone." "Why can't you make a controller like the one you made for 18?" Chichi asked. "Cell is much more complex, and besides, the person who would use it would have to be so close that Cell couldn't possibly miss seeing it. He'd just blow it up before it could be used." "Do you have any ideas Master Roshi?" Chichi looked at him. Master Roshi had drifted away from the conversation and was reading one of his porno magazines. "Hellooooooooo Miss July!" He panted. Chichi snatched the magazine away and whacked the old man with her frying pan. "Pervert." "He's given me an idea Chichi." Said Bulma. "Really? You're going to send porno mags to Cell?" Both women received a very disturbing mental image. "Ewwww. NO." "Then what ARE you going to?" "You remember how Vegeta was before we were together? Homicidal and evil?" Chichi nodded "He's calmed down a lot." Bulma launched into her idea. "I thought we could do the same for Cell. With enough time I could create a mate for him!" Roshi recovered quickly, "What?? A monster like Cell would have no interest in a mate. All he wants to do is kill! However, you could make one for ME--" THUD! Chichi knocked Master Roshi out with her pan again. "It's worth a shot."

The women introduced the idea to the Z fighters. Vegeta, in his usual fashion, managed to sum up the group's reaction to it. "Waste your time woman, I don't care what in the HFIL you do as long as it doesn't interfere with my training." Bulma and Chichi took this response as a "yes" and began their project. Oolong and Roshi offered to help with the 'finer points' of the android's design but got the lab door slammed in their faces for their trouble. Using data from Android 16, Bulma was able to create a simple program. It was nothing compared to the complexity of Dr. Gero's androids, but given the time frame, it was a very respectable job. Chichi helped to design Cell's mate and donated some cells of her own along with Bulma and Marron. The finished android was a semi-organic being like Cell and was also extremely beautiful. As long as you liked the color pink. Her curvy body was a dark pink with maroon spots dotting her shapely legs, arms, and horns. Her horns, unlike Cell's, did not stand straight up but were swept back to reveal large blue eyes. Her face and delicate hands were a creamy white and her facial markings were a dark green and streaked down her face like tears. Bulma and Chichi regarded their creation with satisfaction. "Shall we turn her on Bulma?" "Not yet, we still have to think of a name for her." "How about Cella?" Bulma wrinkled her nose. "Sounds like a type of mini-celery." "Celeste?" "Pretty, but it doesn't seem to fit her." "What about Cellina?" "That's cute, we'll try it." With that, Bulma turned Cellina on. (No, not that way… perverts.)

She sat up and looked around. There were two women grinning insanely at her and she was in some sort of room. Cellina spoke in a soft, quiet voice, "Where am I?" "You are in my lab at capsule Corps. I'm Bulma and this is Chichi" She nodded at her companion. "We created you." "What's my name?" This time is was Chichi's turn. "You are called Cellina. We created you to be a mate for this…person." She held up a picture. Cellina squealed (If you can imagine a 6ft tall pink android squealing) and grabbed the picture out of Chichi's hands. "Oooooo! He's sooooo handsome! And he's my mate? Wow!" Bulma grinned at whispered to Chichi, "See? I told you it was a good idea to include Marron's cells" She looked at Cellina, "He's not your mate yet. He doesn't know you exist, you'll have to win him over." "Yep, but he's extremely strong so you're going to have be careful." Chichi added. She gave Cellina directions to the Cell games. "Sounds fun! See ya!" Cellina flew off, crashing through the roof of the lab. Bulma scowled, "Ack! What a mess!" "I hope she'll be alright, I was beginning to like her." Chichi remarked to Bulma as they watched Cellina go.

The reporter held up his mike and looked dramatically at the camera. "The Cell games are about to begin, the first competitor, our champion, Hercule, is preparing himself. I tell you folks, with Hercule on our side there's no possible way we can l-" "Excuse me." Cellina interrupted "I'm looking for Cell, have you seen him?" The reporter was scared out of his wits. "H-h-h-he's over there" he pointed to the ring. "A-a-a-are you going to fight him?" "Fight?" Cellina looked alarmed "Oh no! He's going to be my boyfriend." Hercule had been listening to this interaction and wandered over. "Hey baby! You don't want that loser. He's a weakling, take me I'm the champion of the world!" He struck a 'manly' pose. Cellina giggled. "Oh you ARE sweet, but I just couldn't!" She playfully swatted Hercule on the arm; he went flying into the nearest boulder. She then turned around and wandered over to the edge of the ring nearest Cell. Piccolo saw her first. "Who's that?" Vegeta stood next to Piccolo. "That's my stupid woman's invention, she thinks if she built a mate for Cell, he would leave us alone." Piccolo sweatdropped, "That's…weird."

Cell was floating above the arena. He looked around, "Hmmmm. So these are the best warriors that Earth has to offer? Pathetic. Maybe I should do the universe a favor and blow it up now." Just then, Cell sensed a low ki and began to search for its source. "What loser has decided that he is good enough to face up against Perfect Cell?" He turned and saw an android shyly waving at him from the ringside. Thinking that it might be amusing, he drifted down to the ground for a closer look. **_Eep! He's coming down!_** Cellina thought. **_Is my makeup ok?_** She took out a compact mirror from a compartment in her thigh. **_Yep, gorgeous as ever!_** She giggled. Cell was curious. He'd never seen this android before; she was inferior, obviously built by someone other than Dr. Gero, but who? She was very beautiful though, even prettier than number 18. "You! Who are you?" Cell's voice rang out over the grounds. Cellina took this as an invitation to step into the ring. She extended her tail form the middle of her back and waved it seductively as she slowly walked to the center of the arena. 

Soon she was face to face with Cell. "You try my patience, what is your name?" Cell narrowed his eyes. Cellina looked up at him from under her thick black lashes. "My name's Cellina." Cell was starting to feel uncomfortable with this strange female staring at him like that so he took a step back. "What are you doing here? Your ki is too weak to stand a chance against me." "I didn't come to fight." "Then what-" She interrupted him. "They told me you were strong" she closed the gap between them "But they didn't tell me how handsome you are." She purred and started tracing little circles on her chest with one finger. The DBZ fighters sweatdropped, "What is she doing Dad? Is that a new type of attack?" Gohan inquired. "Uhhh…not exactly son." Trunks stared wide-eyed, "Wow, I didn't know Mom could program an android to do that." Cell was a little worried; this Cellina was acting strangely. He grabbed her wrist. "Stop that!" "Okay." Cellina smiled. She leaned up to him, titled her head, and kissed him. Cell froze and his mind raced. **_What in the HFIL is she doing? This is no attack I know. But it IS nice…_** Cell stopped thinking for a while.

The DBZ team was aghast. Goku quickly slapped his hands over Gohan's eyes. "What are they doing Dad? Are they fighting? Why won't you let me see?" Yamcha was screaming in the background, "My eyes! Somebody kill me please!" Vegeta would've gladly obliged but he was too freaked out by what was occurring in front of him. "Oh dear Kami. No!" He whispered and started shuddering. The reporter grabbed his mike again. "It look's like the newcomer Cellina is trying a different tactic to beat Cell! And it looks like it may be working!" And it was. Cell leaned closer to deepen the kiss but Cellina broke free and flew back a few paces. Cell tilted his head and frowned. Then a light dawned in his eyes and he smirked, flying after Cellina. As he got close to her, she flew off again. After the forth time he used his superior speed and sneaked up behind Cellina. He grabbed her by the waist and spun her around to face him. "No more games." He growled with a burning intensity in his pink eyes. Cellina leaned close and whispered. "Ooo Cell, here? In front of them?" She indicated the shell-shocked group of fighters below. Cell smirked and wrapped his tail around her waist. Cellina giggled and they flew off.

It's the end of the first part! Questions/comments? Wish I'd never written the bloody thing in the first place? Any ideas for upcoming parts? (I really need some of these…writer's block…arrgh) All responses are appreciated. Email [shwayshway@msn.com][1] Adopt a peep today!

   [1]: mailto:shwayshway@msn.com



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